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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29233239">Caged Hearts</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/imtoolazytothinkofausername/pseuds/imtoolazytothinkofausername'>imtoolazytothinkofausername</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Death Note &amp; Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime &amp; Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abusive Relationships, Angst, Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, M/M, Possessive Behavior, Toxic Relationship, dead dove do not eat</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 09:15:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,369</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29233239</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/imtoolazytothinkofausername/pseuds/imtoolazytothinkofausername</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of drabbles and one shots set in an au where L survived. L won and proposed a deal: Light would live out his life as L's prisoner and help him solve cases. The alternative was for Light to be tried, undoubtedly convicted, and probably executed. Light chose to live.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>L/Yagami Light</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>110</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Hubris</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I don't own Death Note or any associated characters. I did not write this for profit. I'm not going to write this in every chapter, but people should be aware that there may be some chapters that are very dark. Lawlight is a problematic and unhealthy relationship, and while this au allows for both of them to be alive (admittedly with a slight oocness for Light since I can't see him letting affection cloud his judgement in the manga or anime), I'm not going to pretend that it's not toxic.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In his more introspective moments, Light knew that this arrangement was his fault. He couldn’t say his fault alone. After all, it had been L who had outsmarted him and then proposed this alternative to execution. And really Light didn’t think he could be blamed for taking the deal. After all, who wouldn’t prefer this, a life at L’s side, still a prisoner, but one housed in what many people would consider luxury? And if he needed to help L solve cases, well he’d still be bringing criminals to justice, just as he had when he was Kira. </p><p>But the fact that L had caught him had been entirely Light’s fault. Light had been Kira, the god of the new world. It had been his right and duty to dispense justice and kill anyone in his path. He had held L’s life in the palm of his hand. All it would have taken was a nod to Rem and L would have been killed with not even a trace of evidence pointing toward Light. But Light had hesitated. Everything had been on the line, yet Light had hesitated. </p><p>The thrill of having someone whose intellect matched his own. The feel of L’s arms wrapped tightly around him at night. The rush he’d felt seeing L on his knees in front of Kira, looking up through his eyelashes at Light. </p><p>
  <i>“It’s the least I can do to atone for my sins.” </i>
</p><p>Light hadn’t been able to bring himself to kill the detective just yet. Light had known even then that it was a mistake, that it had the power to undo all of his careful planning. Still, he’d stayed his hand. He had told himself that it would be alright; that he could afford at least a few more days, maybe even weeks. He had told himself that L was at least as obsessed with Light as Light was with L, that L maybe even loved him. Surely L would hesitate before arresting him. A small part had hoped that this could even be used to sway L to his side. He knew what a powerful weapon love could be, and with some time and work... </p><p>But that time, only a little over 5 days, had been enough for L to build a solid case against him. After that, things had proceeded rapidly. L had told Light that he could either go through a trial and be sentenced to death, or he could live as L’s prisoner and help the man solve cases. Of course, Light had chosen the latter.  </p><p>He didn’t regret the choice. The house he shared with L was a prison to be sure. He could only move between a certain set of rooms and even then only at allotted times, and there was never a time when he wasn’t under surveillance. Nevertheless, they were just as comfortable as his and L’s rooms at headquarters, and he doubted prison guards would have been as accommodating as his current warden. Still, sometimes he wondered what would have happened if he had made a different choice. If he had killed L, would he still be free? Would the taskforce have thought it just a bit too suspicious that L had died so soon after the notebook was found?  </p><p>It was only months after pondering this and always coming to the same conclusion that Light realized that he was asking himself the wrong question. It occurred to him one night as he was lying in bed with  L, L’s head resting on Light’s chest, that Light realized that yes, of course he’d still be free. Not a single member of the taskforce would have been able to connect the dots, nor would they want to believe that one of their own had killed their leader. He would have been free to reign unchallenged. Maybe the investigation would have stopped, or maybe it would have continued. Either way, Light would have been able to manipulate things so that Kira remained unchallenged. Light would have been free, but the real question was would he have been happy? Listening to L’s soft breath, the taste of the chocolate L had eaten before bed still on Light’s lips, Light didn’t have an answer for this. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Selfish</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I don't own Death Note or any of its characters, and I'm not writing this for profit.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Saving Light…<i>keeping</i> Light was the most selfish thing L ever did. He was raised to view his mental gifts as tools to help the world. From the moment it became clear that he had a knack for making deductions and solving mysteries, he had been told that it was his duty to use those gifts for the benefit of others . For the most part, L complied with this. Of course he was paid; that was only natural. However, the more comforting things in life, like a home and a family, he went without. He didn’t return to Wammy’s House nearly as much as he’d like to because that would mean turning down or at least delaying in accepting a case. He kept his identity hidden and kept his distance from most people...well, to be truthful it was partly because most people found it difficult to relate to someone like him, but it was also because if he had familial ties, he wouldn’t be able to just drop everything and run to the aid of the police.  None of this had bothered L too much for most of his life. Oh, occasionally he wondered what it would be like to have a home instead of a hotel room to return to every day or to have family and friends to just be around. However, L was, by nature, introverted, and while there were several people he liked, there were few who could understand him.  </p><p>Then he’d met Light Yagami. Light was the only person whom L met who was on L’s level. He seemed to preempt L’s every move and flout nearly every attempt to trip him up. Even when L was trying to hide the reason for his words and actions, Light inevitably realized the truth sooner or later. At first this had merely intrigued L, but after living with Light...spending every second of every day in contact with him, L had, despite his best efforts, started to enjoy Light’s company.   </p><p>It was his own fault. L had known that it was almost impossible for people not to form an attachment to the people they lived with. However, he’d thought the knowledge that Light was most likely Kira (and the fact that L was the best detective in the world) would be enough to prevent this. But in the end, for all his intelligence, L was only human, and for once in his life, he had someone who understood him completely. Someone who didn’t seem repulsed by his odd mannerisms. And sometimes when Light curled into his embrace in the middle of the night, L dared to hope that Light genuinely cared for him in return.  </p><p>When Light had touched the Death Note and L had seen Kira return to Light’s eyes, L’s first thought hadn’t been of what this might mean for the world. It hadn’t been of how L’s life was in danger now or even of whether the taskforce was in danger. His first thought had been, “It’s not fair.”  </p><p>It was selfish of him, but L’s first thought had been that it wasn’t fair that he would need to give his first true friend up. Would need to go back to not having any true attachments to those around him. Would need to sleep alone...  </p><p>Of course, that had lasted only a few minutes. L had known his duty, painful as it was, and knew that if he didn’t carry it out, his life was forfeit. He had no desire to die, and he couldn’t stomach the idea of a world ruled by Kira. L had instantly begun to think of how to build a case against Light. He’d talked to Rem in private, under the gaze of the cameras but at a time when he knew only Watari would be watching. Initially she hadn’t been very forthcoming, but explaining his own theories about what had happened and emphasizing Kira’s willingness to kill anyone had swayed her into confirming that Light was indeed Kira and confiding in L about her fears for Misa.  </p><p>It had been easy for L to convince Rem that killing him and thereby killing herself would only leave Misa unprotected. He hadn’t been able to guarantee Misa’s exoneration; she was a murderer, after all. But he had been able to arrange for her to be sent to a fairly nice mental institution. One where she’d be comfortable, even if she could never leave. Given how short her life span had become, that was the best possible ending for her.  </p><p>With Rem’s help, L had managed to swap Misa’s notebook with a fake. In possession of the real one, L had revealed what he’d uncovered first to Soichiro, then to the rest of the taskforce. The tape of his conversation with the shinigami and the entries written in Light’s handwriting had been enough to convince them. Light, of course, had denied everything for a while, but between the evidence and his father’s grief-stricken reaction and conviction of his son’s guilt, the self-styled god of the new world had confessed.  </p><p>It was only then that L gave voice to the plan he had been forming since the night Light had regained his memories. “I think Kira-kun should be left to me.”  </p><p>The explanation he had given for such an unorthodox arrangement had been that it was uncertain whether a court would convict Light of murder when most people didn’t even believe in shinigami. Also, the police force’s support for Kira left it in doubt whether they’d be brave enough to arrest Light. The task force had accepted it, although the look of disappointment Watari had given L had left the detective in no doubt that Watari realized the truth. L couldn’t bring himself to give Light up. Certainly L could have created a solid enough case to convince even the most skeptical jury of the existence of shinigami. The unprecedented circumstances could have meant an acquittal, but L could have pulled a few strings. But then Light would be lost to L forever. With thousands of murders on his hands, Light would be executed, and L would be alone.  </p><p>Not everyone on the task force was entirely happy. Aizawa and Mogi in particular were against it. This solution meant that in the eyes of the world, Kira had never been brought to justice. They’d have Kira release a statement signaling the halt of his activities, but the families of the victims would never know who murdered their loved ones or that Kira had been punished. Still, the task force acquiesced. After all, if the best detective in the world doubted that taking the case to trial was a good idea, who were they to argue? They’d allowed Light to convince them of his innocence, whereas L had never doubted Light’s guilt.   </p><p>Light, upon hearing L’s proposal, had accepted.  </p><p>It wasn’t a perfect solution. In a way, L often thought, he’d lost Light anyway. While the notebooks had been confiscated, Light had refused to relinquish ownership of his Death Note. This meant that L was living with Kira, not the Light Yagami L had gradually fallen in love with. They fought more than they ever had when Light had been unaware of his role as Kira, and when they fought, it was with more ferocity than ever before. Light could still get inside L’s head and wasn’t shy about using this to hurt L with insults and accusations that held more than a little bit of truth. Their physical fights were far from death matches, but neither worried about leaving bruises or broken bones. Watari had needed to separate them on more than one occasion. When they had sex, it was all about dominance; making the other show his vulnerabilities and admit defeat. L couldn’t go anywhere or do anything without first making arrangements so that Light wouldn’t get free. Sometimes L thought that they were both prisoners.  </p><p>Yet L couldn’t bring himself to regret his decision. Now when he solved cases, there was always someone to bear the burden with him. For as many punches as he received, there was just as often a hand on his shoulder when L felt like tearing his hair out over some piece of evidence that didn’t make sense. There was someone to lecture him on why he should eat less junk food. He had someone to curl up with on cold days and someone to watch movies with late into the night.  </p><p>L knew that he couldn’t trust Light. He knew that Light’s intellect was just as dangerous as a Death Note. The detective took his role as jailer very seriously, and he’d made sure that there were always precautions in place to prevent Light from ever escaping. The affection L sometimes saw in Light’s eyes was likely faked, but Kira was an excellent actor, and for the moment at least, the illusion was enough for L. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. His</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I don't own Death Note or any of its characters. This wasn't written for profit.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Light doesn’t know when he first realizes that Watari doesn’t like him. He’s sure that it isn't for at least a month or two into Light’s captivity. Before Light’s imprisonment, he didn’t spend much time thinking about Watari. The man always took a backseat to L and the investigation. He was a voice on the other side of a screen or a servant flitting about in the background, always doing L’s bidding with only the slightest of commentary. In the early months of Light’s imprisonment, he had been too focused on studying his new surroundings and looking for weaknesses in the security system to pay much attention to how L’s caretaker interacted with him. </p><p>However, now that Light has had time to acclimatize and Watari is the one who serves as an extra set of eyes to keep Light in check, Light sees that he greatly underestimated Watari’s relationship to L. Watari cares for L in a way that goes beyond a man’s care for his employer or colleague. It’s in the way Watari will insist on L eating something nourishing before giving him his third piece of cake for the day and then chuckle when L wrinkles his nose. It’s in the way Watari urges L to go to bed after the man’s been awake for over 24 hours. And in the way Watari remains tense and ready to intervene whenever Light’s in the room. It’s a paternal affection that reminds Light painfully of his father. </p><p>Outwardly, Watari is polite. Of course, he strictly adheres to any security precautions L has ordered him to take, not deviating under any circumstances. He’ll protest sometimes when he believes that L is being careless in his interactions with Light, but he’ll always let L have the final word. He threatens Light exactly once. </p><p>“If you hurt him, I will kill you.” </p><p>But that’s the only time they discuss Watari’s antipathy toward L’s prisoner. He speaks with perfect courtesy to Light and makes sure the prisoner has all the basic necessities. However, his distaste is clear in other ways. When L’s gone, Watari only interacts with Light as much as is strictly necessary. Any questions about L or his whereabouts, however innocent, are met with silence or the assertion that it’s none of Light’s concern. Light’s sure that there are times when Watari interrupts them with “important information” just to break off intimate moments. </p><p>At first Light finds it amusing. After all, it’s not as though he were the one who dreamed up this scenario. He isn't the one who had trapped them both. And while his relationship with L may be complicated and unhealthy, it’s fully consensual on both sides. But he supposes he can understand Watari being prejudiced in L’s favor. </p><p>However, as time goes on and Light learns more about Watari’s relationship to L, Light grows to despise the man. L’s guarded about his past, but as he quotes to Light, “There can be no secrets between people who are never to part.” </p><p>Light works out more than enough from one-sentence answers and brief references over time. The man had found an orphan and molded him into a detective. He had weaponized a child. Not that L sees it this way. <i>He</i> insists that he had wanted to go into this field and had always enjoyed solving puzzles, but Light can’t help but think of all the times L had lain helpless next to him, a chain linking them together. A chain that could easily be used as a garotte. Doubtless L had known Light was too intelligent to murder him on camera and without knowing where the key to the handcuffs was. However, even the most level-headed men acted out of impulse sometimes. What type of person would raise a child to believe it their duty to chain themselves to someone with the power to kill them? </p><p>When L one day vaguely alludes to children who are his “successors,” Light’s hatred of his lover’s guardian solidifies. So, Light begins to make it clear to the old man that L is Light’s now. Light says it in every interaction he and L have. It’s in the way Light snakes an arm around L’s waist, pulling him in for a kiss regardless of whether Watari is in the room. The way he’s slow to pull away from L when Watari’s voice comes over the speaker at an inconvenient moment. The way he lays with his head in L's lap, letting the detective play with his hair. The bruises he leaves in places that are difficult for L to cover up. </p><p><i>Mine. Mine. Mine.</i> He’s saying. <i><b>This</b> is mine. <b>He</b> is mine, and I’m here to stay. You can never have him back. Just try to take him from me. </i></p><p>Sometimes Light thinks that L knows there’s something behind Light’s actions. It shows in the puzzled look in L’s eyes when Light rests a hand on L’s thigh when he knows Watari’s watching. He knows that Light is trying to make a point, but he hasn’t worked out what that point is. Still, he doesn’t tell Light to stop, so Light continues, and when he can feel Watari’s gaze on him, he smiles sweetly back, knowing it doesn't reach his eyes. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Cuddles</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I don't own Death Note or the characters, and I'm not writing this for profit.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>L gritted his teeth as he stumbled down the corridor toward Light’s room, trailing his hand along the wall to steady himself. He wasn’t relishing this confrontation. He fully expected to have to grovel a bit just for some relief. But there was no help for it. The symptoms were only getting worse, and Light showed no sign of caving. </p><p>L had always had an unconventional sleep schedule. There were times when he’d get less than a few hours of sleep over a period of a few days, and then there were times when he’d sleep over half a day away. It wasn’t unusual for him to lie awake for hours before finally drifting off, and nothing, not even cutting back on sugar, would speed this process up. None of this felt good, but he had learned to adjust. When he couldn’t sleep, he’d use the time to work on a case. When he was finally able to sleep, he let himself lie in until he felt fully rested. </p><p>This had changed when L had handcuffed himself to Light Yagami. Light had refused to stay up while L worked late into the night and had several times shut down L’s laptop himself because the light was keeping him awake. So, L had started settling down at a decent hour and had been surprised to find that he was able to fall and stay asleep for almost the whole night. Something about having someone next to him, he hypothesized, or having someone to hold. </p><p>Even though Light had his own room now, the routine had continued with only slight disruptions after L had taken Light into custody. Even when they argued, they often ended up in bed together. But a little over a week ago, they’d gotten into a fight that had ended in bloodshed. L couldn’t remember what had led to it. He thought it might have been a conversation about Naomi Misora. He could remember bringing up Light’s family and mentioning how the revelation of Light’s guilt had broken Soichiro. Light in turn had accused L of using the FBI agents as bait. In the ensuing fight, they’d managed to destroy several picture frames and at least one chair. L still had a particularly nasty gash over his right eye, and Light was still limping. </p><p>They had avoided each other for days after that. Even now, they were just starting to exchange clipped greetings when in the same room. L doubted that Light was sorry, and since it had been Light to throw the first punch, L certainly didn’t feel any guilt over what he’d said or done.  He could have dragged this out for months...only, he wasn’t sleeping. Oh, he could usually get a few hours here and there, but that wasn’t enough. It was taking a toll on him, too. He felt dizzy and weak. His stomach went queasy at the thought of food, and his ability to concentrate was affected. Earlier that day, he’d spent ten minutes staring at his laptop screen, trying to remember why he’d turned it on. He couldn’t go on like this; if they had been on a case, his inability to concentrate could have meant someone’s death. So here he was, getting ready to eat crow and ask his sociopathic lover for help. </p><p>L hesitated only a second outside of Light’s room before entering the access code and letting the key pad scan his retina. The door hissed open, the dim light from the hallway falling onto the bed. In sleep, Light Yagami looked peaceful. No one would have thought he could be responsible for the deaths of thousands of people. L waited in the doorway for a moment, waiting for the man to wake up, but he didn’t. </p><p>Maybe this would be easier than the detective had originally thought. He closed the door. It locked behind him. Still no noise from the bed. Slowly, L tiptoed closer, pulling back the covers and- </p><p>“L?” There was a rustling noise and the lamp on the bedside table flicked on. Light blinked up at him, eyes squinting against the sudden glare. “Are you...what’s going on?” There was irritation in his tone, but no serious anger or smugness yet. That would undoubtedly come soon, though, the longer he was awake. </p><p>“I...” L swallowed, looking at Light’s cheeks rather than his eyes. “I can’t sleep. I was wondering...” He waited for the slow smirk to spread over Light’s face as he realized he’d won. Maybe even realized that L had become addicted to Light’s presence. He waited for the taunt or the insistence that L apologize.  </p><p>But instead, Light shifted over. “Yeah. Yeah. Sure.” L lifted his gaze in surprise, looking for some clue as to what Light was thinking, but Light had turned to switch off the lamp again.  </p><p>Unable to believe his luck, L hesitated for a moment, then slipped in next to the other man. An arm reached out to pull him closer, and a hand cupped the back of his head. “Light...” L started. </p><p>“Not now.” Light muttered in his ear. “It’s too late.” </p><p>It wasn’t fair, L thought as he rested his head against Light’s shoulder, that Kira was such a good cuddler, but at least he was generous with them. Of course, Light would probably have more than a few things to say about this in the morning, but at least it would be after L had gotten some sleep. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Angels and Demons</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I don't own Death Note or any of its characters. I did not write this for profit.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sometimes L will lie awake long after Light has gone to sleep. He'll stare at his lovers' face, the angular cheek bones, the small nose that L likes to boop. He’ll let his fingers trace the air over Light’s lips, afraid actual contact will wake the other man. In these moments, L wonders (as foolish as the question is) how someone so cruel can be so beautiful. Then of course he remembers that demons are only fallen angels</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I do not own Death Note or any of its characters. This was not written for profit.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>For a while now, L’s known he’d die in Light Yagami’s arms. He just didn’t imagine it would be at a stranger’s hand. Light is yelling at him. L isn’t entirely sure that’s fair. After all, how could L predict that Roderick, the man they were hunting would kidnap them? And L’s the one who got shot, after all.  He thinks that Light rushed Roderick after the man had shot L. The detective had definitely heard more shots, and If Light’s able to be by his side, that probably means that their kidnapper is dead. Something to be grateful for.</p><p>L isn't sure whether the bullet hit him in the chest or the shoulder or how long it’s been since he was shot, but he knows that the dizzy feeling he has isn’t good. He doesn’t want to die like this. Filled with pain, in a dirty warehouse in the middle of God knows where. At least Light will be with him in his last moments, and at least Light will still be alive. That's some comfort at least. L knows that Light doesn’t love him. Oh, he cares for him in his own way. A twisted, possessive fondness. L wishes it was more, but it’s not. In this moment though, as the blood seeps out of him, L doesn’t care about that. In another few moments it won’t matter. It’s enough for him that he’ll die in the arms of the man he loves; he’ll take any affection Light will give him.  </p><p>“Keep your eyes on me!” Light is saying. There’s fear in Light’s eyes as he presses one hand over L’s wound. The other is fumbling in L’s pocket.   </p><p>The fear surprises L.  L’s Light’s jailer, after all. The other man should be elated.  Now is the perfect chance for Light to be free.  He could take Roderick’s car, use their kidnapper’s credit cards to flee the country. With Light’s intelligence and charm, it wouldn’t be hard for him to set up a new identity. So why hasn’t Light run?  </p><p>“Light...” </p><p>“Shhh...Don’t talk, and don’t move. You’re going to be fine, L, but you need to save your energy.”   </p><p>Light's cheeks are glistening, and L is surprised to realize that the other man is crying. That scares him more than anything else. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen Light cry before...  </p><p>The hand in L’s pocket finds what it’s looking for, pulling out L’s phone. The call is made hastily. “Hello? I need an ambulance. My boyfriend...he’s been shot...”  </p><p>Boyfriend, L thinks dimly. That has a nice ring to it. Not really the word he’d use to describe their relationship, but then L isn’t sure if a word exists that could fully describe what they are to each other. L wants to tell Light to hang up, to just hold him. There are spots in front of his eyes now, and it’s a struggle to keep them open. He’s not sure how long he has left. If these are his last moments, he’d much rather spend them talking to Light than listening to him call for help. But L isn’t sure he could speak if he wanted to do so. Which is a shame. There’s quite a lot he’d like to say to Light...not that his thoughts are clear enough for him to think of what those things are right now.  </p><p>“...we were kidnapped and...” Light’s voice is growing distant, and L strains to hear. “No, I don’t know where...damnit, just...L, look at me! L!”  </p><p>But the blackness has already clouded L’s view, and he doesn’t have the energy to focus on Light’s voice anymore.  </p><p>….  </p><p>L doesn’t know when his thoughts return to him. He’s not sure how much time has passed or what has happened in between. One moment there’s nothing, and then there’s the sound of a steady beep. When he first hears it, he’s not conscious enough to form coherent thoughts, so he just listens to it. As his mind gathers itself, he focuses on that beep and he follows it into wakefulness.</p><p>The hospital room is very white, although there’s a picture of a bowl of fruit hanging on the wall in front of him and dark curtains cover what he can only assume is a window. Light is in the chair next to his bed, leaning forward with his head resting on L’s mattress in what L thinks has to be a fairly uncomfortable position.   </p><p>For a moment, L isn’t sure why he’s here...why either of them are here, and then it comes back to him in flashes. The warehouse. The gun going off. Light’s frantic voice...Slowly L lifts a hand and runs it through Light’s soft hair, enjoying the feeling as he realizes that he came all too close to never being able to do this again. If Light had left him there, maybe even finished him off... Light gives a bit of a groan and turns his head, dislodging L’s hand as he blinks up at him.  </p><p>“L...” Light breathes out and sits up. “You’re awake! They said you’d be fine but I...” He chokes on whatever he was about to say and looks away.   </p><p>“Light...” L’s never been good with finding the right words, and right now he’s not sure exactly what he wants to say. Thank Light for undoubtedly saving his life? Ask him why he did so? The detective knows they need to talk and that the outcome of that talk will have a significant effect on...whatever it is that’s between them...He settles on the safest question. “What happened?”  </p><p>“You got shot, you asshole!”   </p><p>L’s surprised to see anger in Light’s eyes, eyes that are still red from crying. “Well, it’s not as if I meant-”  </p><p>“You got shot, and you almost died! You scared me!” Light cuts him off. Then the anger goes out of the other man’s eyes, being replaced with a vulnerability that L doesn’t think he’s ever seen there before. Light leans forward and kisses him, much more gently than usual. “You're not allowed to die.” Light whispers against his lips. “If I’m stuck with you for the rest of my life, you’re not allowed to die on me. Do you understand?”  </p><p>L nods slowly even though he doesn’t understand any of this. But he knows then, even if it’s unfathomable, even if it shouldn’t be possible, that Light Yagami loves him. The man who’s never shown a hint of remorse over thousands of murders loves L back, and maybe, L thinks, this is one thing he doesn’t need to understand. </p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Surprise</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I do not own Death Note or any associated characters. Not writing this for profit.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Light seethed as he looked at L, who was gazing placidly back at him, not an ounce of guilt or distress showing on the detective’s face. It was times like this when Light wondered why he hadn’t killed L when he had the chance. No matter how intelligent, no matter how intriguing, no matter how adorable L was, Light should have remembered that L was also an asshole.  </p><p>“Why,” Light asked, his voice deathly quiet, “didn’t you tell me you had kids?” </p><p>“I do not have kids. Mello and Near are-” </p><p>“They look up to you, and they’re being raised as your successors. Now I find out that half the times you’re away on cases you’re actually stopping by this...this...training camp-”</p><p>“Orphanage.” </p><p>“Orphanages,” Light hissed through gritted teeth, “don’t have entire programs dedicated to training successors for former inhabitants!” </p><p>“This one does.” </p><p>Light shook his head, deciding not to press that point. “So, you have...protegees, ones who are rather important to you, and you’ve never mentioned them. Why?” </p><p>L shrugged. “You never asked.” He said, as if this was the most reasonable response in the world. </p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Of Gods and Luck</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>L panted heavily, leaning against the wall for support. Light gazed up at him, head resting against L's thigh. In that moment, it didn’t matter that Light was a serial killer. It didn’t matter that there’d been a time when Light would have killed him or that L would have sent Light to his execution. All that mattered was that they were together now and…and then Light just had to open his mouth.  </p><p>“You know, L,” he said, still gathering his breath, “you’re pretty lucky.“ </p><p>L refrained from sighing. Of course Light’s vanity would have to ruin the moment. “Am I?” 
</p><p>“Mm-hmm. It’s not everyone who gets to have a god blow him.” </p><p>L reached down and cupped Light’s chin. He ran his thumb over Light’s lower lip. “You’re not a god, Light.” </p><p>“No?” Light raised a brow. His eyes still held a proud gleam. "You sure about that? The way you were saying my name-"</p><p>“No.” L moved his hand up so that he could run a finger over the thin red line on Light’s cheek. “Gods don’t cut themselves shaving.” </p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Questions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I do not own Death Note or any associated characters. This wasn't written for profit.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Why didn’t you kill me when you had the chance?” L asked one night as they were lying in bed.  </p>
<p>Light glanced over at him, eyes narrowing. It had been 2 years since L had taken him prisoner, and it wasn’t unusual for L to ask him about Kira or the Death Note. There were still things the detective didn’t know, and for L, and unsolved mystery was maddening.  This particular question, though... They rarely talked about their own choices or what paths they might have taken. There was no point in it. They couldn’t change the past, even if they wanted to.  But the idea that L didn’t know... </p>
<p>Light and L were equals in every way. If Light was being honest, which he sometimes reluctantly had to be, in some ways L was his superior. Even during the investigation, the two had always seemed to know what the other was thinking. Light had never doubted for a second that L this was how L won. By out maneuvering Light. By knowing exactly what Light was thinking, how he felt about L, the conflict that had been warring inside him at the time...and by manipulating Light into a state of inaction.  </p>
<p>But there was nothing but a troubled confusion in L’s eyes that told Light that this was something the detective had pondered for quite a while. Had maybe even lost sleep over.  </p>
<p>Light reached out and cupped L’s cheek in his hand.  “Why didn’t you send me to jail?” </p>
<p>L let out something between a moan and a growl. “That’s not an answer.” </p>
<p>“Isn’t it?” Light raised a brow and then leaned in, kissing him gently. “Just think about it, genius.” </p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Apologies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I don't own Death Note or any associated characters. I did not write this for profit.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>L wasn’t as good as he thought he was. This was nothing new to Light. The detective was petty and would go to extraordinary lengths not to lose. He was an ends-justified-the-means type of person, and sometimes the methods he used to solve crimes were technically illegal. Their whole arrangement, as a matter of fact, probably violated multiple laws in every country. Normally, Light didn’t mind this fact about his lover. After all, Light had much the same characteristics; they had led to him using the Death Note to serve as judge, jury, and executioner. Often, Light had found himself on the receiving end of L’s machinations. Even this Light enjoyed, since it wasn’t often he met someone as intelligent as himself. But this time L was just being sadistic, and it was beginning to wear Light down.</p><p>Of course, Light had gone overboard in their last fight. He’d taken actions to deliberately hurt L, destroying some of his most precious possessions, then sat back and laughed at L’s reaction. Still, L was a billionaire. No matter what Light ruined, he could always buy more. Light was willing to bet he’d restocked within an hour of the incident.</p><p>Naturally, Light had expected retaliation. He was a prisoner, after all, and L wasn’t above using his power to express his displeasure. A few days locked in his cell. L intentionally ordering meals Light didn’t like. Even some time apart. All of these were punishments Light would have admitted he deserved. But instead, L had chosen the one punishment that he must have known would bring Light to his knees. </p><p>After their argument, most things remained the same. They still ate together, watched movies together, and slept together in both senses of the word. Light was still allowed out of his cell at certain times of  the day. He still had access to books, writing materials, and other forms of entertainment. If he needed anything, he had only to ask.  But one big thing had changed: L had stopped asking for his help with cases.  </p><p>The detective was still taking them and working them. He didn’t bother to hide that. He'd work on his laptop like he always did, only he wouldn’t show Light what was on the screen. When he had to talk to Watari about anything case-related or take any calls, he’d leave the area of the building to which Light was confined. </p><p> At first, Light had found this amusing. After all, L was only hurting himself. This meant L would have no one to bounce ideas off of and trade theories with except Watari, who though intelligent enough, was nowhere near L’s level. L would have to work harder and longer just to solve a case. Light could wait it out. He had thought it couldn’t last too long before L weakened and asked for Light’s input. And Light would give it. After all, that was in theory how Light was earning his keep. Light would give L a knowing smirk, and then he’d help L just like he was supposed to. </p><p>Only days had turned to weeks, and weeks to a month, and L still hadn’t given in. Instead, <i>Light</i> was starting to champ at the bit. His frustration was made all the worse by the knowledge that before he was caught he would have been able to wait this out. But then he’d had something to work toward. An end in sight. Since his capture, the most interesting part of his day was helping L solve cases. Getting inside the minds of criminals and hunting them down gave him a purpose. The part of him that was Kira relished the chance to still be a part of dealing out justice, and the part of him that was Light knew that this was the closest he’d ever get to his childhood dream of becoming a member of the police force. Then there was the back and forth with L. Their bond had been forged through working together to hunt Kira. So much of their relationship centered around trying to best the other, trying to reach the solution first, all the while using their own mental acumen to sharpen the other’s. Overnight that part of Light’s life had been taken away. </p><p>Light knew what L wanted. Light had been on his best behavior since the fight. He’d tried to be the version of himself L had grown close to. L was undeniably happy with the change, but he still hadn’t caved, which meant he wanted Light to do more than show L that he’d won; he wanted a verbal admission. </p><p>Light thought he could drag this out another few weeks. It would be difficult, but he could do it. Yet, what was the point? L could undoubtedly last longer, and unlike Light, the detective had ways of distracting himself when the frustration got too much. “L...” Light began.  </p><p>The detective was seated at his computer desk, perched in his normal frog-like posture. “Yes, Light-kun?” He asked, not looking away from his screen. There was nothing in his tone to indicate irritation or exhaustion. </p><p>“I’m...I’m sorry.” Light admitted. There. That hadn’t been too difficult. </p><p>This time L glanced over at him. “Sorry? Sorry for what?” </p><p>Damn him! Was he really going to draw this out even farther? “I’m sorry I tossed all of your cake out the window. Will you forgive me?” </p><p>L blinked, then gave him a beatific smile that held only the slightest hint of victory. “Of course, Light. Apology excepted.” He gestured to a chair. “Would you come sit with me? I’d like your thoughts on a case I’ve been working on.” </p><p>Light almost sighed with relief. “Yes.” He got up from his place. “I’d...I’d like that a lot.” </p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Fool</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I don't own Death Note or any of its characters. I did not write this for profit.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Quillsh Wammy had always believed that L would end up alone. It had saddened him, but it was difficult to come to a different conclusion. For one thing, his adopted son had seldom shown interest in romantic relationships. For another thing, most roommates or lovers would find L’s eccentricities difficult to deal with.  </p><p>When Light Yagami had entered L’s life, Wammy had dared to hope that this man was different. For all L’s suspicions, Light had seemed to genuinely care about L, had understood him in a way that even Wammy had been unable to accomplish. Even though it was clear that Light was bothered by some of L’s more odd characteristics, that didn’t seem to push Light away. Watching them work together and live together...watching L fall in love with Light...Wammy couldn’t imagine that it had been an act. He had hoped that Light Yagami would be around for a very long time. He had prayed that Light would be someone who would be with L until the end. </p><p>What a fool he had been. </p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Gods</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I do not own Death Note or any associate characters. This was not written for profit.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You and I,” Light said one night, a sneer on his face, “we're not do different. “ </p><p>L wanted to protest, but he knew better. Misa’s manager. Misa. Wedy. Aiber. All either free or imprisoned not due to a court of law, but because it had been beneficial to L. 

</p>
<p>And Light, lying by his side, destined to live out the rest of his days as L’s companion. L had envisioned a world with Light as his partner, a world in which they fought evil together, and L had manipulated things so that it would come about because he had seen that it was good. In the end, wasn’t that what Light had done? </p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Intoxicating</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I do not own Death Note or any of its characters. This was not written for profit.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sex, Light thought, was overrated. Oh, it was incredible! Especially when it was with L. There were few things that could rival the feeling of having L beneath or on top of him, both of them fighting for dominance. The thrill that came from the little gasps and moans L gave, both of them licking and kissing and caressing until one of them was unable to fight anymore and had to let the other have control. The satisfaction that filled Light when it had become clear that he’d managed to get L to stop thinking for a few minutes. Even when it was the other way around and L was the one smirking down with him, relishing his victory, Light couldn’t help but enjoy it. But the one thing that was undeniably better than sex was what inevitably happened afterward. </p><p>After they’d both satisfied themselves and they lay there, still breathing heavily, L would pull Light into his arms. Sometimes he’d nestle his head into the crook of Light’s neck. Other times he’d pull Light’s head down to rest on his own shoulder. Regardless of the position, L would press himself against Light, clinging to him as if for dear life, and Light would hold him back. If Light tried to pull away, L would emit a growl or a whimper of protest and cling tighter. It was in those moments that L would surrender to him, silently admitting that he needed Light just as much as Light needed him. Without a thought of whether this show of vulnerability meant that L had lost. It was L submitting to Light in every way. Physically. Emotionally. And it was intoxicating. </p>
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